The Tar Moat Around My Block

We have a tar moat surrounding our block in the subdivision! 😮

Part of our subdivision was resurfaced this morning. We planned ahead and parked our car outside the subdivision last night because we have to wait for the tar slurry to set before we drive on it.

This morning I re-read the notification to see how long we’d have to stay off the resurfaced road. I found out we’re not even supposed to walk across it for 3-6 hours. 😬 If I’d looked more closely at the map provided I would have realized that our block would be completely surrounded. So now we can’t even walk across the street to get to our cars parked outside the subdivision. Oops, maybe reading the notification completely ahead of time would have been wise.

Tar feet with ruined shoes wouldn’t be fun! 👣 In addition leaving permanent tar foot prints would be embarrassing and costly because we’d be held financially responsible for any damage.

I considered pole vaulting but since 2×4’s aren’t very flexible and sprinkler pipe isn’t strong enough I ruled that out. Although I could make sure I’m prepared next time and have a fiberglass pole for my vault over the tar river. I’d also need to get a landing mat but I think I could forgo the bar. If I had a really high jumping pogo stick that is a possibility, but no such luck.

I don’t have enough time to build a bridge before our approved release time and I don’t have enough materials on hand. Maybe next time the occupants of the ten houses on our block could go in on the bridge and make it before our incarceration. There is just so much red tape with cities regarding structures like that. I’m not sure we could get it approved and finished before the next resurfacing in a year or two.

I don’t have a drone big enough to carry me across. Obviously a helicopter would be too expensive, and it could cause damage from the dirt and leaves it would spread across the tar slurry. I even thought of a hot air balloon but since we live close to the airport, we’re in a no fly zone. So I had to rule that out along with the drone and helicopter.

I’ve considered a zip line but that is definitely something I’d probably need to set up ahead of time. I guess I could use a rope attached to a grappling hook or shoot an arrow tied to a rope across the moat into my neighbor’s house but that may cause future issues with my neighbor and I’d probably get fined by the HOA. Also it would have to be high enough to not interfere with the resurfacing equipment, and low enough to not enter the flight path.

I could start digging an underground tunnel but I’m pretty sure the city, HOA and neighbors would frown upon that. In addition, the tunnel likely wouldn’t be completed prior to our discharge.

If I had a cannon I could catapult myself across the street, over my neighbor’s house and into their new pool. However, I’m not sure if the pool construction was finished and if there is water in it yet. That could be painful and possibly damage their pool. So to maintain good neighbor relations I’ve eliminated that idea.

If I built a ramp I don’t think I could pedal my bike fast enough to soar across the slurry street. An additional problem is the flat tires. It’s possible a motorcycle would work with a ramp, but since I can’t drive a motorcycle and I don’t have one that seems like a suboptimal solution.

The wind really died down today so a kite or helium balloon flight are out. Oh and the no fly zone thing would likely be a major issue with that. This is really seeming like an impenetrable obstruction.

Unless someone has a better idea I guess I’ll just be waiting for the tar jail prisoner release.

On a positive note, my neighbor graciously offered to throw food and water 💦 (?waterballoons?) across the street but thankfully we’re ok for the 6 long hours of incarceration.

In the end I decided to politely call the resurfacing company and ask that when they resurface our neighborhood next time, they leave a path for us to cross. They were very friendly, apologized for the inconvenience and offered to make a note for the future. Although next time I’ll likely set up a tent outside the subdivision just incase.

I think I’ll invite the rest of the neighbors on the block to camp on the sidewalk outside the neighborhood with me. If it turns out our homes are surrounded again we can have a slurry moat sit-in protest. In this case it will be a sit-out protest because I don’t think staying inside the moat would bother anyone but me and my tar moat compadres. 😜

On second thought, it could be fun to just stay inside the moat and have an exclusive tar slurry moat party. Those who prefer freedom to the comfort of their own bed can escape ahead of time and sidewalk camp and those who enjoy the protection of the moat can celebrate our safe neighborhood island. Maybe I’ll just stay in for the party, that would be more fun and comfortable than sleeping on the sidewalk.

Since I didn’t plan ahead I guess I’ll make some cookies or sit on the patio and listen to the birds chirp. Hopefully the hot tar smell isn’t overpowering and will dry soon so we can explore the free world again.