I Could Have Been A Billionaire

I had to walk about a quarter mile on a dirt road to get to the bus stop in elementary and middle school. I know you’re thinking “uphill both ways” which it wasn’t but it still was a bit of a walk. I have several stories about that walk, but I saw something today that had me literally laughing out loud.

My Mom and my Grandma Bingham taught me to crochet when I was in about 3rd grade. I loved crocheting. My friend Cindy and I would even crochet during recess — although the teachers didn’t like it. I argued with them saying that “they said everyone could choose to do what they wanted to do” and left them without an adequate argument. So, Cindy and I chose to freeze our butts sitting on the cold sidewalk in winter to crochet outside. And no, they wouldn’t let us do it inside, and no, we couldn’t even go into the space between the two sets of double doors. It was the teachers’ way of “encouraging” us to run around to keep warm. I honestly don’t remember there being many inside days for recess, but yet again, I digress.

So instead of following along with what everyone else was doing, we took our gloves off and sat on them while we crocheted worm bookmarks we could sell to the other kids. I’m sure you can guess whose idea all of that was. We did sell quite a few bookmarks but the other kids in our grade only needed so many bookworms with googly eyes to poke out of their books. Even though we made them in custom colors we still didn’t sell that many more. Sigh, then so many years later came the internet. We could have been rich!

Oops, squirrel! Now back to the originally intended story.

Everyday on my long walk to the bus stop my nose got really cold. It still does all the time. I tell my husband that the dimples that appear on his cheeks when he smiles are the perfect size nose warmers. I’m positive he loves it when I avail myself of their usefulness.

Ok, now really, back to the story. Since my nose was always cold, I had a brilliant idea to crochet a nose warmer. I liked some dark green yarn my mom had better than the orange yarn alternative; so, I decided to make my prototype dark green. I came up with my own design and it turned out kind of the shape of a pig snout that had two chained strings to tie around the back of my head.

I’m not sure why but I was always thinking of things I could do to make some extra money. I was absolutely sure nose warmers were destined to become the new rage at school. Kind of like the roach clip beaded feathers we clipped in our hair. (Not knowing they were a method older kids used to hold their joints.  Gee I wonder why our moms were worried about us wearing them.) Oh and the tooth pics soaked in cinnamon oil that burnt your tongues and lips. Squirrel.

No matter how brilliant I explained my nose warmer was, my mom wasn’t convinced it would be the hit I thought it would be. She let me know she was worried the other kids would make fun of me. When I left the house, I was very confidently wearing my new green nose warmer. I was very excited about how well it kept my nose warm on the long walk. However, by the time I passed the terrifying buffalo in the pen along the side of the road (a different story – squirrel on a leash) I was starting to wonder what everyone would think. About 2 fence posts before I’d need to turn toward the bus stop where the other kids could potentially see my amazing creation I chickened out. I took off my nose warmer and decided not to share my creative genius.

Little did I know that over 45 years later nose warmers would be sold on the internet. I could have been a billionaire by now. Seeing them has started to make me wonder if I should make and sell my own nose warmers and for that matter bookworm bookmarks with googly eyes. However, I’ve found that when I crochet too much, I get a bit of carpal tunnel and need to stop crocheting for a while. So, I think I’ll stick to random crocheting binges for items for myself and for a few gifts. Although if you’d like to buy a custom nose warmer I may consider it for the right price.

In the meantime, you can purchase an 8 nose warmer set of various colors  on Amazon for $20.99. They aren’t the same amazing design I created, and they don’t come in dark green, but it would likely be much less than I would charge. You could also buy a pig nose version of the nose warmer for only $7.99, or a chicken nose warmer that comes in a pair for $14.99. Then you and your loved ones can peck each other to amuse yourselves. Who knew nose warmers would become a trend so many love and enjoy. I’m glad all the cold nosed people like me now have a way to comfort their noses when they don’t have a loved one with dimples.